"We are offered all of the rest in the world, in greater depth and measure than we could ever imagine, but we only experience as much of it as we believe exists and as much of it as we take."
I wrote that just as I was finishing week 8 at Regent University. Midterm week. So exciting. And here I am at week 13, coming to the end of the semester, and I feel like I'm running just as hard; maybe harder.
It's times like this when rest seems impossible. I find that my sleeping habits are a lot like my car-fueling habits: getting a third of what I need when I'm in desperate need for it because I don't have time for a "full tank." And even rest outside of sleeping is hard to come by when my mind is constantly flying and grasping at my mental to-do list to make sure nothing is forgotten (and often failing... I forget a lot).
Hebrews 4:1 talks about a rest we can miss:
"Therefore, since the promise that we can enter into rest is still open, let's be careful so that none of you will appear to miss it."
The author of Hebrews is probably talking about eternal rest, the rest gained by salvation. BUT it's a part of our inheritance through the death of Christ Jesus that we can pull our eternity down into our life on earth! So we technically have access to the entire rest of the presence of Jesus at all times.
How often do we take advantage of this? I am finding that I hardly do. Instead of taking up this rest, I'm striving just as hard as I am in every other area of life. I'm treating it like homework or ministry or something to get done.
However, my relationship with Him was never supposed to be like this.
It was not designed to be full of me kicking myself while I tried so hard to be perfect.
It was not designed to be a result of the pressure I put on myself to get everything right.
My relationship with the Lord is supposed to look like the pursuit of a groom towards his bride,
or a Father crouched on the floor beside his toddler daughter while she learns to walk.
Both are full of delight.
Both are designed for nothing but joy in the relationship.
And both allow me to enter into the rest and freedom of His love and grace even while my life continually falls short of reflecting His glory perfectly.
Knowing that however many times I mess up or fall short or screw up,
I'm that bride, that could never look more beautiful.
I'm that toddler daughter that causes nothing but a smile to rise on my father's face, even when I trip over myself.
And that's something I could live in.