That's what I heard whispered to my soul last week, cutting through my worries and anxieties, putting to rest my heart's frenzy.
"I will give you what you need for today."
I have a struggle that I feel is not uncommon to A-type personalities and mothers: that feeling first thing in the morning of "I have WAY too much to do today. There's no way I'll get everything done."
It's this fear associated with not having the time, finances, resources, or energy I need to do what needs to be done. And it starts my day with a handicap because I feel like I am falling behind before I have even begun.
Falling behind before I've begunI don't know where I learned it or how I started thinking this way, but ever since high school I can look back and see a pattern of worrying that I was going to fall short that day of what was needed from me. Sometimes that was stressing out about homework, or youth group tasks or the amount of chores I had. But now it looks like trying to keep my home in working order, keeping my husband's shirts wrinkle-free, finishing up this semester, nesting for a baby coming, struggling not to be tired, getting dinner ready, and still finding time to pursue my dreams of blogging and making a few bucks by doing what I love. Not to mention the budgeting. Oh, the budgeting!
Where does this fear come from?Where does this struggle come from?
Ultimately, it comes from the belief that I am doing things on my own.
It comes from the belief that the Lord is there in my quiet times with Him in the morning, and then He sends me off into my day to figure out the rest on my own.
It comes from the belief that the Lord hasn't already decided what needs to be done today and what doesn't.
It comes from the belief that it's "all on me."
It comes from the belief that I don't have a good heavenly father that has promised to give me everything I need for the day.
Where does it end?
Where does this fear end? By believing that God is who He says He is - a Good Father who gives good things - and that He will do what He says He will do - provide for all of my needs! (Matt. 6:25-33, Psalm 34:10, Matt. 7:9-11)
"Consider the lilies of the field... even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" Matthew 6:28-30
if He clothes the pesky weeds in the grumpy neighbor's grass;
how much more will He clothe His kids?
But this doesn't mean anything if I don't believe who I am to Him - a Beloved daughter who is free from the fear of abandonment (Romans 8:15).
We can sing "You're a good, good Father," over and over, proclaiming that it's who He is and that we are loved by Him... but until we actually believe that, and we are walking that out with belief, it will change nothing about our daily life.
Becoming confident in my Father's daily bread
When Jesus shows His disciples how to pray, He teaches them to ask, "give us this day our daily bread," (Matthew 6:9-13). In teaching them this, He is telling them that they can trust their heavenly Father to give them what they need for this day, just like He gave the Israelites their literal daily bread in the desert (Exodus 16). There was never a day those Israelites went without manna.
Does this mean I'll be dripping in pearls and endless productivity every day of my life? Nope. It doesn't even mean that some days I will go without, or that our grocery budget might look slim, or that I will end the day without getting something done.
BUT I can be confident that God knows what I need.
I can be confident that, if I am walking in daily obedience and fellowship with His Holy Spirit,
the moment I need energy for what the Lord has called me to do, I will have it.
The moment I need the finances to feed my family, I will have it.
The moment I need more of His grace to get me through a challenging day, I will have it.
He won't give me what I need for tomorrow, nor will I have to rely on yesterday's leftovers (Exodus 16:19-21, Matthew 6:34). In fact, He gives me what I need moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour.
Whatever tomorrow brings
My little dude comes in August, and there are many days when I feel like I am falling short of just taking care of myself and my home and my husband. Multiple times Jon has come home to a wife who laments "How will I be a good mother if I can't even get my life together now???"
But the Lord didn't make me a mother by accident. He knew what He was doing, and He still does. And He already has more than enough to give to me when I need it. I am not called to fret about being prepared for tomorrow, or August, or raising a teenage boy in 11+ years (omg how terrifying 😅)
I am called to be faithful with today and believe that God knows what I need for today. I am not going through today on my own, nor I am I called to. Success is not getting everything on my to-do list checked off, success is daily walking out my days with Him, letting Him dictate my agendas, my goals, my to-do lists, my priorities... And depending on Him more and more, knowing that He is fully aware of my needs and fully prepared to fulfill them.
And the best part is, this isn't a crutch, or an excuse. It frees me up to just spend my days walking in step with Him, following His heart, and seeking Him above anything else. #goals!
What promises are you learning to be more confident in?