Where to Find Everything You Need

In the three months that Jonah has been ex utero, I have experienced the greatest joy and awe for God's handiwork and creation. It is incredible that this tiny human was growing inside of me for nine short months! I fall more in love with his face every day, and crave his snuggly body in my arms while he is away from me. Every new milestone he conquers I want to both cry and beam with pride. I spend every moment with him trying to soak in everything about him - the smell of his head, the softness of his face, the weight of his tiny body on my chest while he sleeps... I love him. I love motherhood. I feel so blessed to be entrusted with this little person.

BUT...

Blue Walls and Stretch Marks: Emotional Meltdowns that Revealed my True Priorities

I am a firm believer in not apologizing as a blogger for not posting "x" amount of times per week, or for taking a break. I don't get paid to blog, and it actually needs to take a backseat in some seasons.

However, there is that awkward moment when you haven't blogged in almost two months and you don't quite know how to jump back into it without some sort of explanation.

So this is not an apology. But this is a "catch-you-up-on-where-I'm-at" post to let you in on the emotionally exhausting whirlwind that this summer has been since I've last posted.

Are you qualified to study the Bible?

We've all fallen into the trap of comparison. But have you ever tripped up and started comparing your spiritual walk to someone who looks "more spiritual" or "more qualified"? Have you ever questioned whether or not you are qualified to read and study the Bible on your own?

I've seen many women insist that they have nothing to give, that they don't know enough about the Word of God to be able to lead or encourage others. It is heartbreaking to know that so many women stay quiet about what God is teaching them because they don't have the ministry title or the "book learnin'" to back them up.

In the presence of divinity students or powerful Christian leaders, it is easy to feel unqualified in comparison.

"Wait, why the cross?" Procrastinated, post-easter reflections from a lifelong church kid

I'm someone who does more reflecting after-the-fact instead of in the preparation. For example, when I go on a trip, I spend more time after the trip reminiscing and processing and looking back than I did looking forward to the trip and emotionally/mentally prepping for it. Maybe it's because I'm a procrastinator, maybe I'm just more reflective. I don't know.

Easter this year was similar. Instead of prepping for it emotionally and spending time in that portion of the Gospels before Easter morning was upon us, Jon and I found ourselves watching the Passion of the Christ a week late, and reflecting on Resurrection Morning after-the-fact.
Side note: How was this was my first time ever watching the Passion of the Christ??

All that to say, last week was spent reflecting on what it was Jesus actually did. Like, why did the cross have to happen again? As a church kid who met Jesus before she could form her first memory, I find myself needing to come back to these foundational lessons.

I will give you what you need for today: Becoming confident in God's promises to provide your daily bread

"I will give you what you need for today - nothing more, nothing less."
That's what I heard whispered to my soul last week, cutting through my worries and anxieties, putting to rest my heart's frenzy.
"I will give you what you need for today."

I have a struggle that I feel is not uncommon to A-type personalities and mothers: that feeling first thing in the morning of "I have WAY too much to do today. There's no way I'll get everything done."

It's this fear associated with not having the time, finances, resources, or energy I need to do what needs to be done. And it starts my day with a handicap because I feel like I am falling behind before I have even begun.

Falling behind before I've begun

I don't know where I learned it or how I started thinking this way, but ever since high school I can look back and see a pattern of worrying that I was going to fall short that day of what was needed from me. Sometimes that was stressing out about homework, or youth group tasks or the amount of chores I had. But now it looks like trying to keep my home in working order, keeping my husband's shirts wrinkle-free, finishing up this semester, nesting for a baby coming, struggling not to be tired, getting dinner ready, and still finding time to pursue my dreams of blogging and making a few bucks by doing what I love. Not to mention the budgeting. Oh, the budgeting!

Where does this fear come from?

Where does this struggle come from?
Ultimately, it comes from the belief that I am doing things on my own.
It comes from the belief that the Lord is there in my quiet times with Him in the morning, and then He sends me off into my day to figure out the rest on my own.
It comes from the belief that the Lord hasn't already decided what needs to be done today and what doesn't.
It comes from the belief that it's "all on me."
It comes from the belief that I don't have a good heavenly father that has promised to give me everything I need for the day.

Where does it end?

Where does this fear end? By believing that God is who He says He is - a Good Father who gives good things - and that He will do what He says He will do - provide for all of my needs! (Matt. 6:25-33, Psalm 34:10, Matt. 7:9-11)

"Consider the lilies of the field... even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" Matthew 6:28-30

Basically,

if He clothes the pesky weeds in the grumpy neighbor's grass; 

how much more will He clothe His kids?

But this doesn't mean anything if I don't believe who I am to Him - a Beloved daughter who is free from the fear of abandonment (Romans 8:15). 

We can sing "You're a good, good Father," over and over, proclaiming that it's who He is and that we are loved by Him... but until we actually believe that, and we are walking that out with belief, it will change nothing about our daily life.

Becoming confident in my Father's daily bread

When Jesus shows His disciples how to pray, He teaches them to ask, "give us this day our daily bread," (Matthew 6:9-13). In teaching them this, He is telling them that they can trust their heavenly Father to give them what they need for this day, just like He gave the Israelites their literal daily bread in the desert (Exodus 16). There was never a day those Israelites went without manna.

Does this mean I'll be dripping in pearls and endless productivity every day of my life? Nope. It doesn't even mean that some days I will go without, or that our grocery budget might look slim, or that I will end the day without getting something done.

BUT I can be confident that God knows what I need.

I can be confident that, if I am walking in daily obedience and fellowship with His Holy Spirit,

the moment I need energy for what the Lord has called me to do, I will have it.

The moment I need the finances to feed my family, I will have it.

The moment I need more of His grace to get me through a challenging day, I will have it.

He won't give me what I need for tomorrow, nor will I have to rely on yesterday's leftovers (Exodus 16:19-21, Matthew 6:34). In fact, He gives me what I need moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour.

Whatever tomorrow brings

My little dude comes in August, and there are many days when I feel like I am falling short of just taking care of myself and my home and my husband. Multiple times Jon has come home to a wife who laments "How will I be a good mother if I can't even get my life together now???"

But the Lord didn't make me a mother by accident. He knew what He was doing, and He still does. And He already has more than enough to give to me when I need it. I am not called to fret about being prepared for tomorrow, or August, or raising a teenage boy in 11+ years (omg how terrifying 😅)

I am called to be faithful with today and believe that God knows what I need for today. I am not going through today on my own, nor I am I called to. Success is not getting everything on my to-do list checked off, success is daily walking out my days with Him, letting Him dictate my agendas, my goals, my to-do lists, my priorities... And depending on Him more and more, knowing that He is fully aware of my needs and fully prepared to fulfill them.

And the best part is, this isn't a crutch, or an excuse. It frees me up to just spend my days walking in step with Him, following His heart, and seeking Him above anything else. #goals!

What promises are you learning to be more confident in?

Linking up with some awesome parties here!

Hello, Year 23: Oh, how the Lord has been faithful.

Wow, 23. To be honest, I actually thought I was turning 24 for hot second 😂 That was a funny moment...

This birthday has been a little weird! Just because this season has been all about enjoying some "lasts" before the baby comes. Our "freedoms" and flexibility as a family of three will be very different! So we've been trying to really appreciate the little things.
Like Sunday naps together, random drives together after work, or eating whenever we want.
Or celebrating birthdays at sushi restaurants that we won't be taking a toddler to 😉

(Literally wore my LuLaRoe dress all day for my birthday!

Don't forget to enter our giveaway to win your fave LLR product!)

All that to say, I know that a year from now my life is going to look TOTALLY different. In so many good and challenging ways.
So maybe it's the fact that this birthday was a kind of "last," but it's left me very reflective about where Jon and I have been the last year and what God could possibly have in store for us in this next one.

Because even though this birthday is a "last," it is also one step closer to living out a lifelong dream of being a mother. I had no idea how many good and adventurous things God had in store for my 22nd year; why would my 23rd be any different?

When It Feels Like God's Withholding

I am partnering with Bethany from First and Second Blog to finish off her series on the lies that the enemy uses to get us distracted and falling into sin. I have really like her series so far, and she has posted a directory of the other blog posts from bloggers who have also contributed their thoughts and experiences!

One of the biggest lies that I personally have experienced from the enemy is the lie that God is withholding good things from me. I think it's somewhere all of us have been.

Feeling single and alone...
Waiting for a job...
After a doctor's report...
Being denied a scholarship...
Trying to start a family...
Struggling financially...

Whatever the situation, we have all had those moments when we just want to scream, "Hello? I thought You were a good God that had good things to give me!"

The Source of All Your Insecurities

I got married August 2015 to a man I had dated for less than 6 months. Last year I literally lived out my 12-year-old-Casey dreams of meeting a great-looking, godly guy, falling in love, and getting married ASAP.
(No, seriously, I really did day-dream about dating someone for three months and marrying him just a few months later!)

I love my husband and I love being married. Jon is not perfect, but he's embraced husbandhood with humility and passion and a ton of effort. He loves me more than I ever thought humanly possible.

However, it may surprise you to find out that I - a newlywed, pre-kids, pre-stretch marks, and definitely in love with her husband - still struggle with insecurities.

When a Blessing Doesn't Feel like a Blessing

Have you ever been in a situation or a place in life that you know you'll be thankful for later, but in that place or situation you really, really don't want to be there?
I feel like that's how my life has been in Maryland.
Yes, this job is a blessing.
Yes, it's going to be a huge help for paying of student loans.
Yes, it's great that Jon and I can work in the same place.
Yes, I should be thankful.
But honestly, I'm not!

I've tried to stay thankful, and I've tried to keep things in perspective, but seriously, this is hard. I just don't want to be up here.
Jon and I have made it our goal to be faithful with the small things, especially now with a new family that is literally small. We feel like that means starting off by dealing with our student debt. That makes a job necessary. That makes this job a blessing. That means that this job is (dare I say it) from God.

But I thought things from God were supposed to be warm and fuzzy and comforting and secure and refreshing?
Psht. I've known God long enough to know that is false. He wants more for me than a life of ease and comfort!
At first this felt unfair, but then I wondered if people of God have ever felt like their blessings from God were actually curses?
And how did they respond when God's blessings lost their excitement and no longer felt like blessings?

This brought me to Mary.

Mary's Struggle

I tend to think of Mary as this angelic young lady that must have been perfectly patient and meek and beautiful and said "Yes, Lord, I am Your servant, do whatever You need to do" and then didn't complain.
I mean, who could complain after an angel showing up saying "Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you"?
But look at her reaction:

"...she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be." (Luke 1:29).

This doesn't sound like the trusting, angelic Mary I had in mind. In fact, it kind of sounds like my relationship with the Lord, constantly trying to figure out what He's doing!

The next clue comes from the angel's response to her silence:

"Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God," (1:30)

It's not uncommon for people of the Bible to be afraid in the presence of angels; they are huge and warrior-like and other-worldly! But somehow I've always picture her as standing there (still meek and angellic) simply waiting for the message to be delivered. She could have, contrarily, been freaking out (like I would be in the situation).

The angel goes on to tell this young girl that she is going to have the great privilege of bearing God's Son in this world.

"How will this be, since I am a virgin?" was her response.

Was her question asked in the innocent, wide-eyed wonderment like I had always imagined? Or did she have a thousand questions in her mind, and in her panic, that was the only question she could think to ask before this heavenly being disappeared?
The only answer that she was given, in a nutshell, is "Oh, the Holy Spirit will take care of that!" and "By the way, your cousin is going through something similar."

Her response to this was,

"Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word."

Angelic Mary is back.

But in reality, imagine those few moments after the angel left, and the questions that would have been spinning through your head.
What will my family think?
How would I tell them?
Can I tell them?
What will Joseph do?
What will my friends think?
Will they treat me different?
Will they believe me?
Should I even tell anybody?
How do I even tell anyone about what just happened?

The Word of the Lord was not common in those days, and the time spanning between the Old and New Testiment are generations and generations. There were not many people in her time saying, "Hey, I saw another angel yesterday!" or, "Guess what the Lord said today."

Not only that, but a pregnancy is not easy to hide. She only had a month or two to keep this knowledge to herself.

Not only that, but then she would have a baby. Son of God or not, you can't hide a baby either. Would she always be shamed? Would those who didn't believe her see him as a child of shame?

Mary's Comfort

Thankfully, the story doesn't end there. 

The greatest comfort Mary found was in reminding herself of who God was/is. Her song in Luke 1:46-55 continually focuses on who God is and what He has done (for herself and others): 

"...my spirit rejoices in God my Savior...

He who is mighty has done great things for me...

holy is His name...

His mercy...

He has helped His servant Israel..."

Mary exemplified Psalm 91:4

"He will cover you with His pinions,

and under His wings you will find refuge;

His faithfulness is a shield and buckler"

She used reminders of His faithfulness as a shield against the lies and the feelings of doubt and isolation.

I also think it is significant that she had a song for these characteristics that were comforting to her. I imagine in times when she felt isolated and misunderstood and her blessing felt like a curse she would start humming the melody and singing in her head, or go somewhere she could be alone and sing it at the top of her lungs to build her courage.

What I Learn

I have a choice in times like this.

I can be offended that God would put me in an uncomfortable situation

or I can respond like Mary constantly remind myself of the goodness of the Lord. I can literally use His faithfulness - which I have seen an abundance of over the years - to shield my heart and my mind from the flaming lies that attack me like arrows.

While I may feel isolated or discouraged, away from home and community, I can take refuge in testimonies of His faithfulness and know that He will never leave me, and has good plans for me. In fact, He always does far more than I could ever ask or imagine! It's in His character (Eph. 3:20).

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What are some testimonies of God's faithfulness in your life recently? Testimonies build faith! (And mine could obviously use a boost!) Please share:)