The Best Part about Being Married

Jon and I celebrated three whole years this week! And in our generation, every passing year of marriage is worth a gigantic celebration. So celebrate we did! We went to a fancy dinner at Steinhilber's and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

My sister asked me this week what my favorite part about being married was. And it was actually a really hard question to answer. I know my favorite parts about being married to Jon. I love how much fun he brings into my life, how adventurous he is, how he thinks, how he loves Jonah... but that's just like describing your favorite things about your best friend, not the best part about marriage.

It's not about how happy he makes me, because he doesn't always make me happy.
It's not about how nice it is getting to snuggle up to him every night, even though that's nice, too.
It's not about growing old with your best friend, even though that is such a privilege.
It's not about the physical intimacy, even though, let's be honest, that's awesome, too.

The more I thought about it, the more I came back to this: the commitment.

Sorry it sounds corny, but my favorite part about marriage right now is the commitment.

Before we started dating, Jon told me that he was looking for a woman he could struggle with. Someone to go through hard times with. Someone who didn't have to like him or like the situation to stick it out and work hard. And I'm so glad he chose me for that.

And if there is one thing I've learned in marriage, it's that (sorry, one more corny line): love is a choice. And not a one-time thing, but a daily thing.

That recurring choice has been one of the hardest things I've ever been a part of because it goes so far against what is comfortable or exciting or self-seeking.

That's what brings me back over and over to my favorite part about being married: the commitment. In no other relationship or friendship do you live with someone who has committed to choose you over and over, even when it's not fun or you're not happy, or one of you is being super unlovable. It's the decision to make that choice over and over and over and over and over.

This summer has been hard, but this week has been really good. God is so good. He is so faithful to show up when He's invited. And these are weeks, days, moments I don't want to forget when things get hard again - whether that's in a week or in three more years.

I'm thankful for a man who knew marriage wasn't going to be easy before he got into it. He was looking for someone to struggle with and struggle for. Thankful for the grace that helps me continue to choose him, to choose us, to choose Jesus. And thankful for every up and down of these last three years that I have gotten to spend with the man that is beyond my wildest dreams.

What is YOUR favorite part about being married? Tell me tell me!

... And then comes BABY

Edited to add: for some reason blogger is filtering the photos. If you would like to see the originals (that are so much prettier than the blogger version!) go HERE!

At long last! Our secret no longer needs to be kept!

(Now do you see why I've been so quiet?;)

Jon and I are almost 13 weeks pregnant with a precious little boy or girl, due August 2, 2017. And we couldn't be more excited!
Throughout our marriage, we have always tried to be open to God expanding our family in His timing (you can read about our birth control story here).
However, since last summer we - particularly I - had been hoping that pregnancy would be sooner than later... and becoming increasingly "more open" to pregnancy;)
But the Lord still had some more work to do in our life and hearts before He showed up in this awesome way.

Those six-seven months of being "more open" - waiting and hoping - were discouraging at times. And it was in that time that I realized that I had always believed that pregnancy was something granted, something that just naturally happened. That I was somehow destined to motherhood, or that it was my right.
There were so many moments of doubt in my time with God.
Was I really meant for this? 
What if I never have a child?
What would I be?
I knew that God would still be good and that Jon would still love me and that it just meant there was another plan for my life. But I had never considered that before. And honestly, the thought scared me a little. It made me realize how sure I was before that God would just give me kids because I came from a big family and I liked them. Ugly, faithless areas of my heart were exposed, and He graciously worked on every one.

There were also the struggles with feeling like I was "doing everything right." Was our timing never right? Was there something we were missing? There were some months when I would take that test and think "There's no way we aren't pregnant this month!" ...just to see that heartbreaking negative.

Throughout the discouragement, though, there was a consistent word that I kept hearing in my heart from the Lord: "When your season of pregnancy comes, you will know 100% that it was from me and because of me, and not you, or anything you did." 

He wanted me to be confident in His timing, even when I didn't understand it. He wanted me to understand that children are a gift, not something that I earned or deserved by "checking off all the boxes."

Sure enough, November was the month I took the test thinking "We are totally NOT pregnant this month." 
Lo and behold, if that one wasn't positive!
(The only reason I took the test to begin with was because it was the day before Thanksgiving and we were going out for margaritas for my brother's birthday that night! Lol.)

We didn't tell anyone for an entire month. This was easy at first, because it was hard to even believe myself that I was pregnant! But the secret has become even more and more difficult to keep, and it feels so wonderful to be able to share it with family, a few friends, and finally, YOU!

I know that six-seven months is nothing compared to the journey some have been with becoming pregnant. I have sweet friends who have battled infertility for years, and I can't imagine! But I know that every pregnancy story is differently, specifically because the Lord is all drawing us closer to Himself, and that journey is as unique as the person.

I cannot wait to write more about what this first trimester of pregnancy has been like, and to share more about what these last three months have been for Jon and I as we prepare for our family to expand to include our first little one:)

Again, I'm so excited to finally include ya'll in this new experience... Shoot me with any questions, and moms, I'll be shooting ya'll some questions of my own! ;)

All photos taken by the fabulous Arielle Bacon!  Find her Instagram here and her blog/photography here! (And don't forget to check out the originals!)

Linking up with some awesome parties here!

The Modest Budget: Date Day in Williamsburg

So now that Thanksgiving is over, can we start staying Merry Christmas??? 

This time of year always goes by so fast with all the holidays and celebrating. To be honest, I didn't do homework for 5 whole days (a decision I now regret, but I don't believe that homework should be given over the holidays anyways, so I was protesting) and spent the entire long weekend with Jon and family. It was wonderful having him home a couple of extra days!

The Source of All Your Insecurities

I got married August 2015 to a man I had dated for less than 6 months. Last year I literally lived out my 12-year-old-Casey dreams of meeting a great-looking, godly guy, falling in love, and getting married ASAP.
(No, seriously, I really did day-dream about dating someone for three months and marrying him just a few months later!)

I love my husband and I love being married. Jon is not perfect, but he's embraced husbandhood with humility and passion and a ton of effort. He loves me more than I ever thought humanly possible.

However, it may surprise you to find out that I - a newlywed, pre-kids, pre-stretch marks, and definitely in love with her husband - still struggle with insecurities.

Marriage is Teaching Me... To Lower my Expectations

First off...
I'm not going to tell you that I'm learning to lower my expectations of my marriage and my husband, and that you should do the same.
That you should not expect him to fulfill all your desires or emotional needs.
That he's a sinner and a he will let you down.
That, to be happily married, you have to overall lower your expectations for your husband.

But I'm not, because, if anything, marriage has taught me to have higher expectations for my husband.

We can talk more about that later, but marriage lately has been teaching me more about lowering my expectations for myself.

Before marriage...

Like I mentioned briefly in my last post, I grew up with fabulous parents who loved each other and have been with each other for almost 30 years. My dad has built his own company and my mom has always been a SAHM who homeschools the kids and runs the cleaning of the house and the feeding of the family flawlessly.

Let that be a small glimpse of the expectations I had for what a solid family should look like.

Similarly, Jon was raised by two awesome parents, with a southern mom who cooks great meals and keeps a spotless home.

Take both of those examples, and what kind of wife do you think I felt like I needed to be?

After the honeymoon...

Fast-forward to our second week of marriage as we are getting moved in and settled into our new apartment. Jon started his online classes and went back to work (up at 5 am, home by 4 pm) and I started my college classes and my part-time job. We almost had the exact same work load, if you take into consideration that I worked less but had more schoolwork, and he worked more and had less schoolwork.

In addition to all of this, we were both determined to keep leading Young Life, which requires the same amount of time as a part-time job.

But that didn't change the amount of pressure I had put on my own shoulders to immediately be able to keep a clean house and cook dinner every night.

Not sure how I thought that was going to play out practically, considering I still didn't know how to cook and I wasn't home very often, but I was determined.

Hitting the walls

As you can imagine, this only lead to breakdowns, and not just hitting one wall, but hitting multiple walls.

(My stubborn head doesn't learn any lesson quickly)

And it wasn't until just a couple months ago when someone pointed out to me,

"Casey, do you realize how many times you say 'I should' or 'I'm supposed to'?"

That was when I realized that I was constructing my life around expectations I had put on myself.

Jon wasn't telling me I had to stress out about dinner every night.

My mom wasn't telling me to keep a cleaner house.

The marriage books I was devouring weren't telling me I needed to quit all my dreams in an effort to be a great wife.

These were all expectations that I had put on myself.

And because they were high, unattainable expectations, I was only letting myself down, over and over again.

Being a disappointment to yourself is one of the worst feelings, and this was a recurring theme throughout this last year.
Not only that, but I started to assume that God was always disappointed in me. That's when things got really serious. Not only were my expectations making me cranky and disappointed, they were also making me unpleasant to live with and also skewing my perspective of God.

The solution?

Unfortunately, there isn't/wasn't a solution. I wish there was!
Solutions are easy, and they can be checked off a list. (I love lists!)

But instead, there's a process.

Thankfully, it is one that God created and my husband is more than willing to help me with.

But it's a process that involves making sure I am acting on what I am actually called to do, not just what I think I'm supposed to do.

It's actually ok to ask Jon to fold the laundry while I finish an assignment, instead of feeling like I have to do all the house work on my own. (Even more incredible, Jon actually doesn't mind! He likes helping me!)

It's actually ok to order Chinese when dinner didn't work out.

It's actually ok that dishes in the sink pile up because it's midterm week for both of us.

Because I am not called to keep a flawless house and make dinner every night and look picture-perfect every evening when Jon gets home from work.

I am called to be a supportive wife who is a safe place for my husband, who respects him with her words, who does her best to create a home but not at the sacrifice of her own sanity.

I am called to love Jon and follow him and respect him and support him.

Sometimes, this involves cleaning part of the house or cooking dinner. But the point is, I am called to be a wife to Jon before I am called to be a housewife.

I am called to be a wife; not just do wife things.

They are two different things.

So now...

So now I am trying to focus on my relationship with Jon before I focus on the housework.

I am trying to focus on who a wife should be more than what a wife should do.

And I am trying to lower my astronomical expectations for myself to include this train of thought.

Because, at the end of the day, both Jon and Jesus love me even when the house is a mess! 

What other opinions matter?

Have you ever struggled with having high expectations for yourself?

Linking up with Momfessionals, Sept-Farm, Bright on a Budget, The Closet by Christie, & Two Thirty-Five Designs

The Modest Budget + Discovering the Wife I'm Created to Be

"How's married life?"

That has to be the hardest question I've been asked this past year.

How do I even say?

How do I even know?

But seriously, Jon and I are new at this... it's hard to even say, "We're doing great!" because we still don't know what we're doing!

I still love him and most of the time like him, and we're doing our best to learn what it's like to "dance" together in life. So, by that standard, I would say "We're doing great!"

Fighting the "The Good Wife Box"

But, while marriage is the best, it has also been an interesting personal process. I have always been a black-or-white, all-or-nothing kind of person, so when Jon and I got married I wanted to be "all wife." 

And, by that, I mean that I wanted to drop all my dreams and allow every thought, every feeling, every obligation, every schedule and routine be determined by what I thought being "all wife" meant.

When I say it like that it makes it completely obvious that that is wrong, but I didn't realize I was doing it. Because, believe it or not, that is exactly what I've been trying to do these last 13.5 months of marriage.

Marriage is awesome, and this first year has been both fun and challenging. But I'm still trying to figure out what it looks like to still be Casey and be "all wife" at the same time. 

But that's tricky! Because my personality instantly wants to fit in "the box" that is labeled "The Good Wife." 

I want the checklist, I want the definitions, I want the qualifications, I want to fit the label.

What I'm learning, though, is that I am not meant to be in a box at all, and that being a "good wife" means more than just checking off everything from the "Qualified Wife List."

I'm learning that my and Jon's marriage will be unique, and that there is not just one way to be a good wife. 

I'm learning that my expectations for myself can be some of the most dangerous expectations.

I'm learning that being a good wife to Jon is going to look different than trying to be like someone else (who is a good wife to their husband).

And I'm learning that being a good wife is not static, but adaptable to different seasons.

The wife I wanted to be, but wasn't called to be

I grew up in a home where my dad worked a steady 8-5 and my mom stayed home with all 10 kids, made the food, homeschooled the young ones, and ran all the errands. So, instantly, that's what my "all wife" perception looked like.

And it's a beautiful example! Why wouldn't I want to follow it? 

(My mom literally does wife life and motherhood like a superhero.)

But I'm realizing that I tried to jump into something before I was called.

No, I'm not saying I jumped into marriage before I was called (I know for sure I was called to marry Jon).

But I am saying that I tried to make Casey look like her mom when Casey wasn't called to look like her mom. 

or like that wife blogger who cooks every meal and keeps a perfect home.

I tried to be the wife I thought I should be before I even asked the Lord what being a wife to Jon in this season is supposed to look like.

And while my mom is an amazing example of what a traditional wife should look like, she is not married to Jon like I am. Which means that I will have to be a different wife than she is.

She is also in a completely different season of life than I am (obvi). 

Does this make sense?

The process...

Marriage is great. I love being married to Jon. I am called to be Jon's wife.

But I am backtracking to figure out how Casey - the song-writer, worship leader, ministry-loving, writer, blogger, singer, knitter, dreamer - stays Casey while still laying down her life in marriage. 

I am backtracking a little bit to figure out what kind of wife I am called to be.

Because if there's one thing I've learned this past year in marriage is that laying down your life in marriage does not mean becoming a door mat to your husband.

Serving your husband does not mean that you lose your personality!

Submitting to your husband is far from losing your voice.

And your marriage will sometimes - most times - look a lot different than everyone else's marriage.

Now the challenge is to let Him teach me how to be the kind of wife He designed me to be.

Because I am different, just like you are different.

I have a different personality than you do, and a different husband than you do.

No one can teach you or I how to be the women/wives we are designed to be except for God.

So maybe you've been trying to be someone you were not called to be, kind of like I was trying to be the kind of wife I wasn't called to be.

Maybe you've been trying to be a certain kind of student, or a certain kind of musician, or do ministry a certain way.

Don't lose heart. Drop the pressure, and let your Creator, the one who designed you, show you how you are designed to uniquely fulfill the purpose you are called to, because you are designed to look like no one else.

Have you gone through a process like this before?

Don't forget to enter my Fall Essentials Giveaway!! It closes on Thursday!

Similar looks under $25:

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Our First Year of Marriage

How crazy is it that I've been a wife a year, and I haven't even gotten used to calling myself that yet!

I know our anniversary was a month ago, but every time I sat down to write this post I just couldn't come up with the words. How do I talk about something I'm still in the throes of learning?
How do I describe to someone how hard and challenging and refining marriage is,
while also explaining how it is the most glorious and wonderful thing I have ever experienced?

Let me just tell you, in this past year I have experienced God in ways that I never have experienced him before. Both in the good and the bad (because who knows that God can sometimes feel the closest and teach you the most when you're in the middle of the fire? Can I get an amen?)
In this past year, Jon and I have been on a lot of adventures! We have

- both studied full time

- both lead Young Life

- worked part or full-time jobs

- travelled to 7 states (NC, SC, GA, FL, NY, MD, AK)

- and DC

- and the Bahamas

- by boat

- and by plane

- lived in 2 of those states

- and moved 2.5 times (commuting back and forth to Maryland made that hotel feel like home!)

Some of our experiences have been typical for the average married college students, like in-house date nights and using gift cards we received as wedding presents to buy people Christmas gifts.
But in other ways we have been blessed so far beyond my expectations. We were able to go to the Bahamas for our first anniversary!

We had a lot of funny arguments about stupid things, that typically ended up with us laughing about where the communication got sideways, and we have tried to laugh through the challenges of figuring out how to go from two individuals to one couple who lives in sync.

(Sometimes it's like living in a dance, but not like the beautiful finale, like the sweaty, stepping-on-toes, frustrating dance practice with a few glorious epiphanies now and then!).

If I could choose just one word to describe this year, though, it would be humbling.

Because I have made so many mistakes and Jon has handled them with a smile.

Because even though I still can't cook well, Jon always comes to my rescue.

Because even though I married a manly-man, he has embraced my girly-girl emotional moments like no one else ever has.

Because even though we have both seen the ugliest places in each other's hearts, the Lord has given us His Lover Eyes for each other.

Because I have learned just how endless Jesus' forgiveness is (and when you've been granted endless forgiveness, you can't help but give endless forgiveness!)

It has not been perfect, by any means. There have been moments where I thought I wouldn't be able to handle anymore of the hurt or the anger or the happiness or the confusion, and that I would simply combust from the pressure.
But with Jesus and Jon in my life, I am completely spoiled by love and convicted by my own selfishness (which is a really good combo, if you think about it...)

Jon makes me want to look more like Jesus, and I think that's the best he could pull out of me.
No one has drawn me to my knees at the foot of the cross just by being themselves in the way that he has this past year.

The anchor to my Anchor, I'm so glad I chose you, Jon!

100% the second best decision I ever made;)

Wanna see more pictures?

Part 1: The Details

Part 2: Before the Ceremony

Part 3: The Ceremony

Part 4: Mr. & Mrs!

Visit our wedding page for more:)

Linking up with A Savory Feast, Home of Malones, Bright on a Budget, September Farm, Momfessionals, & Pumps & Pushups

Answering the Call to Marriage: Jon's Perspective

After looking at Casey's blog today (who currently sitting on the floor packaging up wash clothes to sell, and completely unaware that I am typing this) I realized how unfair Casey's blog is, that her viewers/readers/stalkers (you know who I'm talking about) get to see her blog and read about how great she says I am, but only get to hear that one side.
So I wanted share a few words of my own on here. This won't be a mushy-gushy post in which I strive to out-lavish Casey with praise, but I hope to give her viewers an honest glimpse of my perspective, as a husband, of what marriage is like, as well as what it was like trying to get prepared for marriage as a young-man who did not have a whole lot to give. 

Prior to marrying Casey, I was 21 years old working at a car wash and still in community college. If anyone took a look at my grades, my relationship history, my achievements, my finances, and my job they would rightly and confidently say that I was far from ready for marriage. 
Going into marriage I had did not have a lot but faith in the Lord, a willingness to follow Jesus, and A LOT of love and passion for my beautiful bride. However, I was lacking everything that the logical world was telling me I needed. And I mostly still am. 

The thing that I was most confident of is that the Lord was calling me to marry Case, so on August 7th, 2015, by the grace of God, I was able to answer that call. 
Now, that's not to say there werent many restless nights of worry, concern, and prayer. I was concerned about my lack of preparedness, but through it all the Lord gave Casey and I faith, and a calling to trust Him with this new, fragile, and needy marriage.

As an engaged college student, I decided to put God's Word into practice, and prayed, read his word, and cried out like spoiled child to God for help. But it was not anything I did that finally gave me the confidence to take a walk with Casey's father, or kneel down and propose, or even to take the stage and wait for my bride. It was the Lord showering me with peace reminding me that his call was good, and his promises always faithful. 

A verse that I had to remind myself of leading up to the wedding, and will continue to remember and probably forget for the rest of my life is the popular but powerful Philipians 4:6-7:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

The Lord was faithful and trustworthy to Casey and I in this verse. And he poured peace into our hearts and minds, and reminded Casey and I who He is, And what He has done for us. 

With this promise and reminder true in our hearts, it was irrelevant that I was not ready, because the honest thing is, no one ever is. God's calling is something that is difficult (or imposible) at times to foresee, and is hard because no one will every be good enough for it. I believe its not something that can typically be planned out, planned for or scheduled (even though it can be prepared for). 

For example, is any sinner ever prepared to answer the calling of God to recieve his grace through Jesus? Romans 5:10 ("while we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son") would lead me to believe "No." 
Jesus called us to follow before we were even on his side. In fact, in Jesus's calling to "come and follow" came while we were still His enemy. To a certain extent, this is the same idea for calling of marriage. (However, it's problably not a good idea to be enemies with your future spouse prior to marriage, but the same idea of being unprepared for the calling still applies.) 

So how did we know that we were ready for marriage? We didn't, because we never will be. Not because we didn't prepare for it, (Casey did much better than I did and its pretty obvious) but because no one is ever worthy of it, because marriage, in the Christian sense, is a calling from God. 

I stepped into marriage much like I stepped into a relationship with Jesus: excited, humbled, repentant, loved, and trusting. 
When I started a relationship with the Lord I had nothing to show for it,  no wisdom of the old testament, or scripture ready to spew from my lips. I was simply a young teenager in love with a God who had captured my heart. 
Similarly, this was true for stepping into a marriage with Casey. I had nothing to show for my worthiness, no money, no consistent income, or knowledge of business or law, making me a promising canditate to secure a job. (Even though there is much to be said about men who have those things ready to give to their brides). 

However I stepped into marriage excited, humble, repentant, loved, and trusting God, in love with a woman who had captured my heart.

I learned, and am learning, that - while a consistent job/ income/education is great and truly important and something I want for myself and family - there is nothing as secure as the Love of Jesus and promises of God. 

The peace of God was laid on my heart reminding and comforting me that it is God who is the giver of eternal security. So whether through hard work I become a successful trillion-aire, or a average-income citizen, monetary things provide no security because they can be taken away in a second but the Security found in Jesus's love and Gods promises will be eternal. 

Out-Lavish time...

Marrying Casey was the best thing I have been called to besides Jesus. Casey is a woman who daily shows me the grace of God, whether it's putting up with me "sometimes" not using soap when I wash dishes,(don't eat at our house) or forgiving me when I fail to love her well, she is one of the most visible expressions of Jesus that I have ever witnessed. 
Which make me all the more confident to say I am not worthy of the calling for marriage, because I am not worthy of her, and the grace she extends to me through Jesus. Marriage from my percpective has been humbling to say the least. 

Marriage is Teaching Me... To Wash Feet (and floors)

In a world that tells you to "Stand up for yourself!"
Jesus tells you to "Follow Me; get on your knees; wash their feet."

The Big Picture:

"If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you." John 13:14-15

I think it is really powerful when people take this literally and they wash someone else's feet. Some couples have done this in the middle of a marriage ceremony, which is really cool.
But I think it becomes even more applicable when we read this story and see Jesus' example and just an example that can be used in other ways.

Foot-washing was an every-day thing, typically done by a servant. It was a gross thing to do because people wore strappy sandals and walked everywhere.
It was a dirty job
a lowly job
a daily job
an unappealing job
a despised job
a job you could probably take for granted
an unglamorous job.

Why was I so salty?

(Sidenote: Before you read this, know that Jon does a lot of housework and most of it without me even bringing it up, so don't read this as a complaint about what Jon does/doesn't do around the house! Me doing the cleaning was way overdue;)

I was washing the floors today and scrubbing the bathroom while Jon was gone, and I was tempted to get a little salty that I was the one doing it. Not because of anything in particular, it just really wasn't something I wanted to do today! I didn't necessarily mind doing it, but as I prayed and thought a little deeper, I think I was actually more than a little irritated that I was the one doing it.

In fact, I felt a little offended that I was laying down what I wanted to do today - laying down my rights and my plans and my selfishness - to, for what felt like the 1,000th time, do something for him.

This is the moment I realized that I was following what the world says ("Stand up for yourself!") instead of following Jesus' example when He says "Wash his feet."

The Turn-Around

(Another sidenote: processing why you are feeling the way that you are is crucial for being able to address the problem.)
Once I realized who I was listening to and who I was letting define my identity in the moments I was Swiffer-ing the floors and vacuuming the living room my heart had the opportunity to repent and turn around.

And it's funny how quickly my heart's attitude turns around when all I do is choose Jesus' way over my own... because it seems like as soon as I realized the sin in my heart that was stealing my joy today, God gave me the grace to bless Jon - and, in turn, bless myself - with my work instead of growing bitter.

The World's Example vs Jesus' Example:

We, as women, are constantly bombarded with influences that wants to see us stand up for our rights as equals instead of lay down our rights to serve our brothers/husbands/sisters/families/etc.

We live in a world where putting other's first looks weak.
We live in a world that tells us to fight for what we want.
We live in a world where serving others is lowly, unappealing, unglamorous.
(Just like washing feet.)

But I argue that if Jesus - the King, the Creator, my Savior Jesus - is willing to lay down His dignity, His clean hands, His rights, to wash His creation's feet, how could this lowly, dirty, daily, unglamorous work be pointless?
Yes, it looks way less fun, and way less productive... even look foolish!
But if this is how Jesus has chosen to accomplish His work, I want in.

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world... so that no human being might boast in the presence of God." 1 Corinthians 1:27-29

Your Opportunities to Wash Feet

These unglamorous housewife days are days that nobody cares about except for Jesus, and He uses every moment of them for character development.

And maybe you aren't a housewife, or a wife at all! But I guarantee you that Jesus has put people in your life to serve, and given you lowly, dirty, unappreciated, despised, daily, unappealing, unglamorous ways to serve them.
Will you let these opportunities slip by because you would rather stand up for yourself and claim your rights? To insist this work is below you? To object that you have more important things to do?

Or will you see these moments are also opportunities to walk directly in His footsteps?

Praying you and I will both have the humility and the boldness to choose His ways over the world's ways. (Even when it means housework.)
Linking up with Momfessionals, Sept Farm, Bright on a Budget, More Pieces of Me, Elegantly Fashionable, & My Bows & Clothes

Marriage is Teaching Me... Confession

I was talking to an engaged friend a few weeks ago as we talked about her wedding plans and excitement to be married. Somewhere within that conversation we started talking about the perfect and endless analogies that God put in marriage to reflect His desired relationship with us. They truly are endless! And it's because God Himself designed marriage to be, not just one big analogy, but a million little analogies that are just waiting to be discovered and wondered at. Why shouldn't this amaze us?

All that to say, I am continually humbled and amazed by both my own sinfulness and the Lord's great grace and love towards me. It's a perfect balance that simply leads me to greater dependence on Him, the desperate kind of dependence that is like jumping into His arms and throwing everything I have into His love and protection.

Humble pie

Last week was another moment when marriage taught me one of those oh-so-humbling lessons.
Jon and I have only been married 11 months, so to say we are still figuring out the balance of a financial-life-for-two is an understatement. It requires a lot of discussion (probably more discussion than we give it) and one of those discussions left me feeling a flurry of emotions.

I wasn't exactly angry or hurt, and Jon technically hadn't done anything wrong... So before I let my emotions explode over something that wasn't really a problem or a wrongdoing, I took a step back to do my own heart investigation with the Lord.

And of course, in the sweet way that only Jesus can, I came to realize the embarrassing reasons that I was upset, and they were all ugly and selfish and materialistic.

I wasn't upset with Jon, but I almost wished he had done something wrong so that I could blame it on him, get upset, and that would be it.
But no, my emotions had risen because my own selfish purposes had been revealed.

I certainly could have acted like it was still Jon's fault. I'm good at coming up with reason why I should be upset, and justifying why I should succumb to my emotions. But this time I knew I needed to confess to him what was on my heart, even though it was a tad bit embarrassing.

Confession

Confession is something that we read about in the Word, and sort of nod our heads at like, "Yes, confession, that's a good thing, yep." And I think confessing things to God is a comforting practice that many Christians perform, something like "Hey God, I messed up again; I failed, but I know You never do; please teach me to lean on Your perfection instead of striving to perform my own." And that kind of confession is a good thing.

But there's something in us that hesitates to confess to others. Personally, my hesitation comes from the fear that people will think I'm judgmental or hypocritical, that they'll think I have some hidden motive beneath my confession. Or I'm afraid they'll be hurt because of what I said.

Confession in Marriage

Confession in marriage, though, isn't an accessory. It's a necessary act, and one that needs to be done very often. Not just the kind of confession of "I was wrong, you were right; will you forgive me?" but the kind of confession that is brutally honest about what has been going on in your heart and mind.

Jon praying over us as we took communion at the end of the ceremony.

Confession is hardly ever fun. Jon's opinion means more to me than anyone else's on the planet, and I want him to always think and believe the best about me. Confession is literally pointing out specific areas in my life that I am still allowing sin to reign.... Why would I want him to see those areas??

But I'm finding that confession to my husband is necessary because we are one. Spiritually, before God, Jon and I are one and inseparable. If that's the case, how could I assume that my sin does not affect him?

I can't, because it does. My sin affects him, not just in my every day interactions with him, but spiritually. In the same way, his sin directly affects me, too (even more dangerously because he is the head of our household and accountable for what goes on inside of it.)

How could I, as a part of the oneness that happens in the Jon-and-Casey-Capra spiritual relationship, expect for my sin to somehow be separate from him?

This may seem simple or elementary, but I hardly ever hear people teaching on confessing your sin to your spouse, and not just your accountability partner or whatever. I more often see couples who are confessing their sins and struggles to other people who are outside of that oneness, and then never telling their spouse. Or telling their spouse that they are "handling it with their accountability partner."

Here's my thought beneath all of this...
If confession is necessary for the wholeness of the Body of Christ, why wouldn't I start with the part of the Body that I am directly conjoined to for the rest of my life? What good is it to confess my sins to someone outside of my marriage, when my husband is the one directly affected?

More than unity with my brothers and sisters in Christ I desire a deep, deep, deep unity with my husband.
What follows is that he should be the first one I'm confessing to.

The goal

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." 

John 8:12

The goal is to walk in the light because Jesus is the light. 

The goal is not to keep things in the darkness, because those are the things I am not letting Jesus transform!

I am not good at this, but I want to get better.
I don't want to let the enemy tell me that I should experience shame because of my sin and selfishness, because those aren't the words of God towards me!

My God says that at confession I am free of the sin and free of the shame.
Yes, sometimes it's embarrassing to admit to other humans, but by staying quiet - especially to my husband - is agree with the enemy's words, not God's.
Linking up with Sept. Farm, Claire Justine, Bright on a Budget, The Closet by Christie, My Bows & Clothes, & Jolynne Shane

4 Things I Would Change About My Wedding

My wedding will always be my favorite wedding ever. In that one day, I saw so many of my dreams come true! Marrying a handsome, godly man, feeling beautiful in the perfect dress, my dad tearing up for our last dance...

But everyone has things they would do differently if they could go back, even if they were to go back to a nearly-perfect moment. So I'm going to share 4 things I would do differently if I could plan it all over again, for 2 reasons: 1) so that I can process my regrets in a healthy way instead of getting salty about them and 2) to hopefully give new brides a few tips!
This post is not to complain, or to express my saltiness (I don't lose sleep about these little regrets!) but only because I think it is interesting to hear about what other brides would have done differently, so hopefully this is interesting to you, too.

1) Have a wedding planner/mistress of ceremonies

My mom was a rockstar when it came to pulling everything together. My family really did help me create everything I wanted/needed. But when the day itself came, it would have been really nice to have someone else to communicate everything and make sure everyone was where they needed to be. All of the groomsmen showed up late, the musician started singing late, the photographer took pictures in all the places I didn't want pictures, and Jon didn't even show up until guests started showing up!

None of these things truly stressed me out, and everything turned out fine. But everything would have gone smoother if I had a "go-to girl" or someone who could have handled these things for me or started chasing people down when they didn't show up on time.

Having someone else who understood my needs and vision for the day would have been helpful to answer the questions my mom and I weren't available to answer before the ceremony.

My brothers were the only groomsmen that showed up when they were supposed to!

2) Spend more time with my bridesmaids

I tried to be a low-maintenance bride and not ask too much of my bridesmaids, or girlfriends who weren't in the wedding. But I realized later that I missed my chance to spend some really great time with them! Part of it was because of the lack of time from planning a wedding in 2 months, and part of it was because most of my friends were still single and couldn't help with wedding stuff too much.
BUT I am finding now that hanging out with girlfriends is much much different as a married person, and being a bride is an awesome opportunity to get those last moments of single-girl time.

All of my bridesmaids - and girlfriends who couldn't fit in the bridal party - were all SO so important to me, but I don't know if they ever truly felt like they were important because I was rushing around so much. These are the people I don't get to see very much any more, and I wish I had realized that sooner.

All my lovely bridesmaids at our rehearsal dinner.

3) Get a full-time/professional photographer 

Even better, have two photographers!
Daytona was an awesome photographer, and gave us a great deal because she was a friend of ours. However, she was not able to do everything we needed her to do because she was not a full-time photographer. We have pictures in the wrong places because she couldn't come to the rehearsal, and we have no pictures from the rehearsal dinner because she was at her other job. 

Like I said, her photography was great, but I didn't realize before I hired her that she was not going to be as available as I needed her to be because of her other job.
(Also, there are certain moments/angles that can only be captured by more than one photographer. And if you ask me, it's worth the stretch on your budget!)

A side-note to this regret is not getting the ceremony recorded or video-taped in any way... again, partly due to not having enough planning, but I terribly wish I could at least listen to our vows again!

My "first look" with Dad... such a big moment, in such a bad location!

4) Invite more people

I know it isn't budget-friendly, but I definitely regret being so tight on the guest list. I especially wish I had invited more of our parents' friends who had poured into our lives when we were younger, and invited ALL of the high school kids I was close with when I was leading at Deep Creek High. There were definitely some people that I didn't realize were important to me until I missed their presence at our wedding.
The plan for a wedding is for it to only happen once (i.e., plan for a lifelong marriage!). So it makes more sense to invite everyone to a once-in-a-lifetime event in your life.

(Besides, the more the merrier, right?;)

My friend Scottie from Deep Creek and my teammate Heather helped out by taking our guest book pics!

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There are things I wouldn't change, too. Our DJ was the bomb, our cake was phenomenal, our musician (Shiloh Soto) has the voice of an angel, my youth pastor and mentor was able to marry us, the sparkle lights were perfect, and our caterer was awesome about providing gluten free options. The Lord blessed us so extravagantly by the people who were able to come, my parents and in-laws being so supportive, and my cousin being so selfless to be a bridesmaid, hairdresser, and makeup artist (what a trooper). I was even able to find an off-the-rack perfect wedding dress 7 weeks before the wedding date! If that's not the Lord's provision, I don't know what is...

Again, none of this is a complaint. So many good things happened that shouldn't have happened, and I have so much to be thankful for. But hopefully these 4 things can be helpful to a few new brides:)

(Did you miss the wedding pictures?? You can find them all on our wedding page or on Instagram at #CountdowntoCapra! If you want to check out where I got my inspiration, my wedding Pinterest boards are now "public" instead of "secret"! Go check them out;)

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