Edited to add: for some reason blogger is filtering the photos. If you would like to see the originals (that are so much prettier than the blogger version!) go HERE!
At long last! Our secret no longer needs to be kept!
(Now do you see why I've been so quiet?;)
Jon and I are almost 13 weeks pregnant with a precious little boy or girl, due August 2, 2017. And we couldn't be more excited!
Throughout our marriage, we have always tried to be open to God expanding our family in
His timing
(you can read about our birth control story here).
However, since last summer we - particularly I - had been hoping that pregnancy would be sooner than later... and becoming increasingly "more open" to pregnancy;)
But the Lord still had some more work to do in our life and hearts before He showed up in this awesome way.
Those six-seven months of being "more open" - waiting and hoping - were discouraging at times. And it was in that time that I realized that I had always believed that pregnancy was something granted, something that just naturally happened. That I was somehow destined to motherhood, or that it was my right.
There were so many moments of doubt in my time with God.
Was I really meant for this?
What if I never have a child?
What would I be?
I knew that God would still be good and that Jon would still love me and that it just meant there was another plan for my life.
But I had never considered that before. And honestly, the thought scared me a little. It made me realize how sure I was before that God would just give me kids because I came from a big family and I liked them. Ugly, faithless areas of my heart were exposed, and He graciously worked on every one.
There were also the struggles with feeling like I was "doing everything right." Was our timing
never right? Was there something we were missing? There were some months when I would take that test and think
"There's no way we aren't pregnant this month!" ...just to see that heartbreaking negative.
Throughout the discouragement, though, there was a consistent word that I kept hearing in my heart from the Lord:
"When your season of pregnancy comes, you will know 100% that it was from me and because of me, and not you, or anything you did."
He wanted me to be confident in
His timing, even when I didn't understand it. He wanted me to understand that children are a gift, not something that I earned or deserved by "checking off all the boxes."
Sure enough, November was the month I took the test thinking "
We are totally NOT pregnant this month."
Lo and behold, if
that one wasn't positive!
(The only reason I took the test to begin with was because it was the day before Thanksgiving and we were going out for margaritas for my brother's birthday that night! Lol.)
We didn't tell anyone for an entire month. This was easy at first, because it was hard to even believe myself that I was pregnant! But the secret has become even more and more difficult to keep, and it feels so wonderful to be able to share it with family, a few friends, and finally, YOU!
I know that six-seven months is nothing compared to the journey some have been with becoming pregnant. I have sweet friends who have battled infertility for years, and I can't imagine! But I know that every pregnancy story is differently, specifically because the Lord is all drawing us closer to Himself,
and that journey is as unique as the person.
I cannot wait to write more about what this first trimester of pregnancy has been like, and to share more about what these last three months have been for Jon and I as we prepare for our family to expand to include our first little one:)
Again, I'm so excited to finally include ya'll in this new experience... Shoot me with any questions, and moms, I'll be shooting ya'll some questions of my own! ;)
All photos taken by the fabulous Arielle Bacon!
Find her Instagram here and her blog/photography here!
(And don't forget to check out the originals!)
Linking up with some awesome parties here!
