Ready or Not, Marriage Here I Come

(Written July 17, 2015)

How does one become prepared for marriage?

Like, is there a book on getting ready? That warns you about all the new things you will need to do, or the things you won’t be able to do anymore, or the things you need to be prepared to live without (i.c., your own bathroom counter, or girly throw pillows on the bed)? Can you even be adequately prepared? Are there even those who know what they’re getting into before they get into it? Or do you just have to trust that life has prepared you enough and just go for it?

It’s so strange that I can feel so sure and so ready for something, yet I don’t even know what I’m ready for. I am about to embark on something I have absolutely no experience in, something I have never come close to in a relationship before.

I’ve always trusted that the Lord places us in seasons for very specific purposes. If you’re still in a season, it means you have more to learn. If you’re leaving a season, it means He wants you to learn something new in the next one. But guaranteed, the next season will be harder, will stretch you further, and grow you deeper than the one before.

I am seeing this even as I leave my single years and enter married life. 

I LOVED being single. I was beginning to think I was made to be single for forever I loved it so much. I wasn’t the type to eagerly await the next romantic relationship. So I shouldn’t have been surprised when the next thing I hear is, “Ok, Case; you’re done here.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond excited to be married. I am three weeks out exactly as I write this, but I would marry him this afternoon if I could. Sometimes I feel like I couldn’t wait another hour I’m so excited. But at the same time, I know that I’m about to be thrown into the most dangerous, exhilarating, unexpected whirlwind of an adventure that I have ever experienced. And that brings along a sort of terrifying sensation that comes with something you know you’re meant to do but aren’t sure if you’re ready for yet.

So these words don’t have much of a purpose except for welcome you into my mental process as I get ready to jump into an entirely new stage of life. 

I'm thrilled, but my soul sort of trembles at the grandness of the adventure I am about to set out on. I had no idea how much my trust would need to grow in the Lord when I said "yes" to Jon. While I can trust that the Lord never leads me somewhere He hasn't prepared me for, He also never prepares me beyond needing Him. Every new stage in life is a greater opportunity to trust Him more, but trusting Him completely is the safest place to be.

All you single girls: Never hear from me that you should cling to your singleness as long as possible because marriage and relationships are hard and they aren’t as great as singleness. BUT. You are where you are because it’s where you’re supposed to be. I know that sounds kind of fruity, but don’t throw away the gift of your present situation. You’ll never have a time like this again, and live it out until there’s nothing left to live in it! Be wild and adventurous and laugh a lot and spend tons of time with your family and your college/high school friends. One day you’ll be out of this season, and you’ll be thankful you can look back on it and be ready to leave it because you lived it out with gratitude and full experiences. Learn a lot, and love where you are. The Lord knows; He knows where you’re going and He has bigger dreams for you than you do. 

Meet My Future Husband

I don’t know how to start writing this, so I’ll just start with where I want to end up:

I’m engaged.

In 15 days, I will be a married woman.

And it’s strange because it feels like the most natural and sensical thing to do, but also feels like the craziest thing I’ve ever done and could never be ready for because I don’t know how to be ready for it. 

But instead of rambling on about that, how abouts I just jump into the story and introduce you to the greatest guy on the face of the planet, hm?

His name is Jon Capra. I met him through Young Life; he’s a leader at the high school in the county next to the high school I lead at. That’s pretty much the only thing I knew about him for a year, besides hearing his rare contributions to our weekly leader meetings or seeing him hanging out with his high schoolers at camp. He was quieter, and didn’t seem to feel the need to prove himself among the rest of us Chesapeake leaders, but everything I saw him do had an appearance of intentionality to it, a maturity that I didn’t see in some of the younger guys. What I heard from his close friends confirmed that, and nobody seemed to have a bad thing to say about him. Even before I was ever interested in him I respected him as someone with character. (Oh, but did I mention I thought he was the best-looking guy among all the others, and that he made me super nervous every time he talked to me? Even during the first "significant" conversation I can remember, last July on the way home from camp, when he oh-so-smoothly asked at the vending machine, “Uh, are you gonna get something? or can I…?”)

As far as I was concerned, though, he was “off the market.” I didn’t really pay him that much attention. Even when he did become "available," my contentment level with being a single lady was at an all-time high and I was not at all interested in another relationship (this was after I had written “Yet Without a Wedding Dress,” and about the same time I wrote “I’m Single… You’re Not.”).

Things started to subtly change right before New Years. Seemingly out of nowhere, he had gotten my number and kept me company my family’s drive down to Florida by texting me almost the entire time.

As soon as I got back from my trip and started school again in January, I would see him “randomly” studying in the library at my school, or get snapchats from him in places I could meet him nearby. A few short weeks later, we’re in the hall outside my dorm room door and he’s telling me that he wants to be more intentional about getting to know each other better.

While I had been thinking he was just an awesome guy who wanted someone to do homework with, he had been telling his guy friends for a month that he was going to date me… and telling himself he was going to marry me.

Three weeks later, February 27 we started dating. 

11 days later, this ball-cap-clad handsome man steals my heart when he tells me he loves me in a Food Lion parking lot. 

A month later, he buys a ring. 

May 29 he asks my dad if he can ask for my hand in August. 

He consents; 

Jon instead asks me June 7. 

I, of course, said yes. 

August 7, I’ll be Mrs. Capra.

I couldn’t begin to tell you all of the ways I’ve seen the Lord at work in these few months. Some of them are big things, like the vision he has for a future family; some of them are small things, like the way he makes me laugh, or how good he is at guessing the flavors of sour patch kids. But he is everything I asked the Lord for, and more than I dared to dream of. It really is true that God has more in store for us than we could ever ask or imagine...
He is so supportive of me, incredibly passionate about ministry, and the most selfless man I've met. (And have you seen his smile??)

So why have you not heard from me a lot on Cattails, Rabbittrails, and Thistlefish? Well, lately, I’ve been wedding planning… and before then I was too busy getting swept off my feet;) But I'm sorry for keeping secrets.

I have not stopped writing, and won’t stop writing, and hopefully I’ll keep ya’ll more included in my life from here on out. But for now, that’s my quick update;) I have more - and more detailed - writings to come, but give me some grace... I get married in two weeks;)

Much Love,

Casey

P.S., follow our wedding adventures on Instagram at #countdowntoCapra

Every Season for a Matter

I feel like I continually say that the season of life that I am in is crazy, and crazier than I've been through before. But it's because it continually feels true. Maybe that's just how life is the older you get? I'm not for sure. In the past 6 months, though, I have learned more about adult life than I thought I was ready for. And in my eagerness to grow up and keep experiencing new things, yet also hold on to the security and familiarity of being a child in my parent's house, it's difficult to find the balance between looking ahead in preparation and anticipation, and staying exactly where I am for as long as I can.
Also, it seems that I am a pro for looking ahead so much for the "next thing" that I miss what is in the now. This typically means that the lessons I was supposed to learn, and end up having to learn later after a few more tries;)

Sometimes, though, it just seems like nothing is happening. Sometimes it seems like I'm spinning my wheels for a couple of months, or I'm not seeing the result of things I've been waiting for and praying for. Sometimes I'm just simply bored and frustrated and ready for the next thing!

I stumbled across Ecclesiastes 3:1 in a bible study a couple of days ago:

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven."

That means the season of things I wait for and long for is coming.

That means the season I'm in is the season I'm meant to be in.

That means the season that I've left behind has passed because it is no longer time to be in that season.

And that means that every season I'm in is "for a matter."

God is an economic god. He doesn't waste time or experiences, or even mistakes. There is no such thing as an "empty season" or a "barren season." It may look like one and feel like one, or it may feel like where I am at is a "filler season" in between the one that passed and the one that is coming, but guaranteed there is something here for me. Now is a beautiful thing, gifted so that I might fall more in love with Jesus. And that's never something I want to miss out on.

Worth More than Fear

When I was a kid, I was terrified of the dark. Even still, I have trouble falling asleep in absolute darkness, and I panic when the power goes out. Because of this fear, though, there were many nights when I would, terror-gripped, be hiding under my covers crying as I called for Mom or Dad from my bedroom. Daddy would come in and tell me I shouldn't be afraid. I wouldn't believe him, though, until he had checked my closet, or told me the doors were locked, or stayed in my room until I fell asleep.
Fear only dissolves when we realize we have nothing to fear. We need reason. This goes for a lot of things. Someone could say, "Case, you would love this movie!" My first response is, "Why?" In the same way, when Dad told me I had no reason to be afraid, my first response was, "Why?"

My first response has not changed. My faith is small, and I don't always listen when the Lord says, "Case, just don't be afraid!"
One of the glorious characteristics of Jesus, though, is He always gives us promises with the comfort. He gives us an answer to the "why?"

"Even the hairs of your head are all counted. Don't be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:30-31

Jesus doesn't simply state, "Hey, don't be afraid!" and then walk away with a shrug and a "just cuz!" when we ask "why?"
He says the reason I should not be afraid is because I'm worth more than many sparrows.

Why should this make me feel any better, or any less afraid?

The disciples would have heard this promise and heard echoes of what Jesus had mentioned about sparrows in His Sermon on the Mount, too: "Look at the birds in the sky. They don't sow seed or harvest grain or gather crops into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than they?" (Matt. 6:26) His followers were told to look at the birds of the air as a reflection of the Lord's provision and care, and as a standard for them to compare their worth to.
And who would say that the sparrows are worth more than we are? We are called Children of God, His very own; Treasured and Beloved.

So when He says my reason for not needing to be afraid is that I'm worth more than many sparrows, I should not be surprised. He is pointing out His care and provision, His attention to detail, and a greater care and attention than He gives the sparrows.

The worth He places on me is far, far more than many sparrows. He will care for me, providing for all my physical and metaphysical needs. I can be confident and fearless, not because my circumstances say I can be, but because He places me at a worth high enough to be. 

So, in a way, I'm worth too much to be afraid. I'm worth more than fear. Fear belongs to those who don't know what they're worth or don't know who's looking out for them. But because I have both, I have no need to be afraid. Of anything.