The Witness of a Process

Sometimes I struggle with perfection
because I have this idea that perfect = witness.
I have this idea that I have to be put together.
Always.

Because
how can I show I love Jesus if I don't manage my time well?
if I don't love my family well?
if I don't get good grades?
if I don't keep my room clean?
if I'm not low maintenance?
if I don't keep my emotions under control 24/7?

I so want to flee from the hypocrisy of saying "I love Jesus" without showing the fruit of that love permeating every area of my life. And falling short of excellence in any area is falling short of being an adequate ambassador of Christ, or of showing that He's at work in my life.

But maybe the greatest witness comes from a process?
I don't know Jesus as well as I want/should,
and I don't always keep my life centered on Him.
I'm learning.
His love doesn't permeate and flow in and out of every area of my life all at once.
That would actually not be very loving of Him, to barge in every area of my life without me surrendering it.
It's a process.
I'm a process.

Maybe it's those people who know that they don't have it all together
but know the One who does have it all together
who are the greatest witnesses?
Maybe that is humility...