The Witness of a Process

Sometimes I struggle with perfection
because I have this idea that perfect = witness.
I have this idea that I have to be put together.
Always.

Because
how can I show I love Jesus if I don't manage my time well?
if I don't love my family well?
if I don't get good grades?
if I don't keep my room clean?
if I'm not low maintenance?
if I don't keep my emotions under control 24/7?

I so want to flee from the hypocrisy of saying "I love Jesus" without showing the fruit of that love permeating every area of my life. And falling short of excellence in any area is falling short of being an adequate ambassador of Christ, or of showing that He's at work in my life.

But maybe the greatest witness comes from a process?
I don't know Jesus as well as I want/should,
and I don't always keep my life centered on Him.
I'm learning.
His love doesn't permeate and flow in and out of every area of my life all at once.
That would actually not be very loving of Him, to barge in every area of my life without me surrendering it.
It's a process.
I'm a process.

Maybe it's those people who know that they don't have it all together
but know the One who does have it all together
who are the greatest witnesses?
Maybe that is humility...

B + E

Just a few of the engagement photos I snapped of Bethany and Eric when we were in Boston a few weeks ago…

I'm pretty sure the last one is my favorite. It's such a sweet reflection of their relationship, and of their future, I feel: he, the visionary, hopefully and confidently looking forward and she sweetly trusting him, not even needing to know what lies ahead.

_________________________

Don't hate me for being a slacker of a blogger… finals are coming up quickly, and my time and energy are dwindling. My mind hasn't been this scrambled in a long time.

Hope you're enjoying these last rays of fall! Christmas is right around the corner, but don't forget about Thanks Day!:)

Love, C

Falling

 

Have you noticed how Fall is one of those delightful seasons that just seems to inspire everybody?
Everyone seems to write more, sigh more, snap a few pictures more. And rant about how wonderful pumpkins/eating pumpkins/sipping pumpkin-y things is.
Yet, it's also one of those times when I just want to put off even trying to enjoy it,
because some times trying to enjoy something can get in the way of sitting, soaking, and truly enjoying.

It's like when you love someone.
Sometimes hanging out with them and doing stuff together can get in the way of just being with someone. Sitting and wordless-ly breathing.
That's what I've been feeling with the weather lately.
I could take a walk,
read,
take pictures,
or write.
But I feel like the appropriate response is to just sit.
To watch the leaves change before I realize the trees are bare.

Today is veryyyy cold and windy.
My river is a thick, heavy grey; full of turmoil. Leaves slapped my windshield as I drove home from work. Grey fall days are nice. They make me want rich chai and mittens and friends over.

So many folks have already moved on to Christmas. But, hey, there's still Thanksgiving! And as longs as there's still color on the leaves and a chance Virginia will have a 70-degree day, it's still Fall to me.

Fall & Faces

Fall is really pretty, and so is Liz's face.

Don't you agree?

Love, C

Every Last Second

It's Tuesday.
And this is just one of those weeks.
You know, the kind that drag on and on.

I hate those weeks.
I don't hate that they drag, but I hate that I want them to be over so bad.
I really like enjoying life, and when I'm not enjoying it, it makes me even more miserable because I start chastising myself for not enjoying it.

I have this insatiable hunger for life and color.
And both should involve the other.

The Lord reminded me of a humbling fact yesterday at work. I actually found myself praying that the hours would go faster, and telling Him that I wouldn't mind it if this week went by fast. And it felt like He looked me right in the eyes - almost like a dad does when he's saying something important to his kid - and He said,

"Casey, these seconds are important."

Immediately, my attention was brought to the people around me: the man who was asking a simple (redundant) question, the child who was handing me her mama's keys, the teenage boy who comes every day for the basketball court...

Who knows when the last time was when they got a real smile?

when someone looked them in the eyes?

when someone said, "Have a great evening," 

and meant it?

It may seem like the right thing to do, being in customer service. But I know that God has me there for more than just checking peoples's keys in, or signing kids up for swim lessons. It's wayyy bigger!

I know it is.

Because every second is.

Every last second is a big deal,

a "once-in-a-lifetime" kind of big deal.

And for me to sit and wish away these moments?

It doesn't matter how tired I am,

how much homework I'm sick of,

or how bad my coffee tastes,

I want my face to be a bearer of His smiles.

I want my eye contact to be a catalyst of His gaze.

I want my cheerfulness and my full attention to let people know that they're important, that they're seen, that they're amazing!

So many people are overlooked. And it weighs, every day, on their shoulders. I want to make people feel seen. I want to make them feel important. I want to be like Jesus behind that desk. Every last second.