This Pedestrian Life

I’m sitting at a coffee shop.

Not the kind that you find everywhere, like a Starbucks,

and not the super eclectic ones you find in really hipster places.

And I’ve been sitting outside, writing a note, and reading a book, and letting the wind blow my hair and Indian-looking skirt around.

And it’s one of those days when I just want to soak up every moment. 

It’s one of those days when your soul feels like its swelling beneath your chest and could burst at any moment. 

It’s one of those days when life looks and feels so beautiful that you panic because there’s no way you could soak it all in.

It’s one of those days when you’re conscious of how fast moments slip past, and of how enthralling laughter is, and how incredible it is that there is life.

People are beautiful.

And yet everyone I have seen walk up has insecurities written all over them, over every inch of skin.

It makes me sad. There are too few people who recognize that life, that the earth, that the people in their lives are beautiful things.

These are the days I recommit to loving people radically, to never letting a day go by that I don’t appreciate the people and the laughter in my life, to wear crazy colors and let the wind blow my hair in my face and my skirt around my legs.

And anyone who walks past me,

sitting here, outside the not-so-ordinary-but-not-extraordinary coffee shop,

would never really guess that I feel like exploding into a crazy firecracker of life and color.

Or that I’m watching the way their downcast faces show the weariness of life,

but also the significant potential of life.

“This pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of us will ever experience.”

- Shauna Niequist

He has not Disappointed

 

I have never known grave hurt. I just haven't.
I've lived a sheltered life, and my family has been very protected from calamities.
However, because I've never known grave hurt, I've never learned how to heal.

You can imagine how unnerving that is now that I have reached the point in my life when I finally have experienced pain, because I'm having to learn how to handle it.
I am more aware of my insecurities now than I ever have been,
and I know how easily I can shrink into self-pity and bitterness.

This scared me at first. Being intentional about laying it before the Lord all the time was hard. But it's amazing what I've been through the past five or six days.
Because in my desire to know healing, my Father has not disappointed. In the strangest ways, He is pushing the hurt out as He fills with what I need.
It sounds really hokie, but He's filling my heart.
This is so different than how I thought healing would feel. But it's like it diminishes so slowly.
Every time I choose to rely on His love
 - opposed to my circumstances, or my interpretation of someone's love for me -
my hands get less full of hurt.

I honestly should be the most depressed I've ever been.
After all, I have no boyfriend, my friends are all busy, my school/work schedule is challenging, and nothing seems to be going anywhere.
But at the moment, I'm the most content I've ever been.
And I'm gonna stay there.
I'm gonna rock the contentment. 
I'm gonna follow His presence,
and simply live.
I figure, that as long as I do that, I'll be where I need to be when I need to be there.
Because He loves me, and because I trust Him.

Bitterness Grows Roots

Actions that leak from bitterness don't lead to healing.

Bitterness is like a thorny ivy; 
it constantly seeks
and reaches
and stretches
and clings.

Words of bitterness don't take the bitter out,
they just give it a way to stretch.

Actions of bitterness don't tear up the root; 
they just give it more soil to cling to.

Bitterness can only be suffocated.
It mustn't be let out.
It mustn't see the light. 
It mustn't be released.

Guatemalan Girlie

I had to say good-bye to someone very precious to me tonight. She'll be going back to her home in Guatemala in a few days.
I got to see her tonight. But as I left to go home, I was almost surprised at the sadness I felt, the pain. It wasn't a sharp, stabbing pain, but it was like my heart suddenly had this gaping hole,
a vacuous space that consumes it self, eating away at the edges and expanding its borders. It wasn't something I was expecting to feel, especially since we already have plans to see each other next January.

However, as I drove home, barely listening to the pop rappers on my radio, I began to think of the beauty of it all.

The beauty of holding, and letting go.
Like breathing in, and breathing out.

Even though this is painful and uncomfortable, I wouldn't give up this friendship that has been mine for this season.

So I kind of let the empty painful sensation hover over my soul for a few moments, as I drove.

One line in a song about "touching millions of lives," interrupted my train of thought with my new one:

every person we interact with - whether on a personal level or in passing by - we leave a fingerprint on their lives.

We have touched their lives. Something that was a part of us has become a part of them; and likewise, something that was part of them has become a part of our lives.

It's quite fascinating, if you think about it... That as you smile at someone, it connects you to them. You both were a part of that scene, you both have that memory stored in some distant corner of your brain, you both played a part. As you read this, it connects you to me. You feel my thoughts, know my heart, hear my voice. We have both interacted - I wrote; you read. This is part of both of our memories. My fingerprint is on your life.

I find this so intriguing to ponder. It makes me question what kind of fingerprint I'm leaving behind.

This friend of mine, with as little time as I had with her, has left a fingerprint of hers on my life. Nothing happened in these past few months that could be defined as a "life-altering" moment. But I'm sure she has changed my life, in small, little ways only a friend can. For instance, I went to be with her after work instead of going home.
Course of life = changed. But just slightly.
See what I mean?

Maybe we'll be the kind of friends that stay in touch forever. Maybe I'll never see her again.
Regardless of the future, and regardless of the pain of seeing her go, I'm glad I have let her into my heart. I am thankful that in some small ways, we've been able to share in each others lives.

I used to try and build walls against letting people in who I knew could possibly leave one day. But now I'm facing the reality that every person in my life could leave, and will. Even I could leave. Which could be depressing. Or could force me to cherish every moment with them.
I'm conquering fears.

I share this to hopefully bring new light to friendships like these. Friendships that are only here for a season or a moment. Momentary friends.
Cherish your momentary friends.

________________________________

Thanks, Enid, for bringing your spark of being into my life. I like you, and am thankful for you. And I can't wait to come see you and Guatemala one day :)

 Love, C

What Be going on in Me Noggin

So I figured it was about time I actually write about what's going on in my life/heart right now. Which is hard to do! That's why I have been simply displaying my life through pictures opposed to words right now...

I'm in a funny season. But I think all seasons are funny, and I think every kid that finds themselves in this one feel the same way I do: a bit confused, overwhelmed, and like the weight of the world is on every decision. How a young adult handles the smallest of choices determines how the rest of their life will turn out.

So where am I? Well, I'm thinking a lot. Processing a lot. Not talking as much (which is new). Working a lot (also new). And praying more than I ever have been.
The Lord has been showing me some scary stuff about my heart lately. Scary only because I think I thought I was better off than I was. But almost every way I turn, I've been feeling this gentle nudge of, "you don't trust me there, either." His way of showing me is so gentle, but sometimes my response to my mistakes isn't. It's really hard to have grace for myself, even when I know I'm swimming in an abundance of it from Him.

I'm learning a lot. Slower than I wish I was, but still, I'm learning. One thing that I've been seeing is my desire to be affirmed for my performance, and how my love for myself is based on performance. I'm also learning that my love for myself is also based on how I look. I feel like a failure when I don't look like how I think I should, or I wish I could.
My heart's cry this past week has been,

"Father, I want to know what You say about me."

In light of this, He's leading me to step down from a lot of places of ministry/leadership I've been in, so that I can focus on learning to just be with Him. This is so hard... But He's showing me that He is more pleased with my desire to spend time with Him than with my striving to do everything right. I want to please Him, so what choice do I have? I also think He will be teaching me more on how to step up as an intercessor in the secret place, opposed to a worship leader on stage. Which is totally exciting.

On a more practical level, I do have my first job outside of the family business, which is great! Totally thankful for it, even though sometimes the challenges of learning to balance it with life can be a little bit not-so-great... I'm also hoping to get accepted to a (local) college, and start that in the Fall. My dear friend Melissa is coming in less than 3 weeks (which I am so unbelievably excited for!!) and another friend is getting married shortly before that!

This really is an exciting time.. I just keep having to remind myself of that.;)

Hopefully, now that I've caught ya'll up on things, I'll be writing here more... would that be good?

Love, Casey

P.S. And as a confirmation how exciting this time actually is, my little sister just brought me my new passport... Just came today!! Woooo!

Strawberries.

So ya'll know that part of my vacation list was to take more pictures with my "real" camera (opposed to my iPhone). And that started with the car ride there!

Hayden and I were in his truck for the whole 3-turned-out-to-be-4-hour trip, and when Mama had to pit-stop to feed the baby, Dad sent Hay and I on a trek to get some strawberries!

The sweet old lady that was running the counter said that she didn't have any that were already picked, so we had to pick them ourselves... meaning, Hayden picked them, and fussed at me for being a slacker and taking pictures instead;)

(Telling me to stop taking pictures and help him pick;)

 Success;)

And they made for an awesome breakfast the next morning!

Two of my favorite things:

1. Strawberries

2. Car rides/Adventures with Hay.

It was a good trip;)

_______________________________

Today is gray and rainy. A perfect day to stay home all day and work on those little nagging projects that I "never have time for."

Whatever your day looks like, hope it's full of favorite things;)

Love, Case

Style{in} Skirts: June and its Slightly Summery-ness

// Shirt/Vest: TJMaxx // V-neck tank: Old Navy // Skirt: TJMaxx // 

// Shoes: Birthday gift from Hudson (Target;) //

 I've been learning a lot lately.

About myself.

About God.

About people.

But mostly about the outrageous expectations and pressures I put on myself. Like, seriously. I didn't realize how much of that had been going on in my life that I hadn't even noticed.

If you ask me if I can do something,

my answer is typically, "Sure I can!"

Because I think I'm SuperWoman.

But I'm not.

Which is still a foreign idea to me... To believe that I can do anything I put my mind to is easier. I like that belief.

But doing anything just because you put your mind to it can (and will) be destructive to you and those around you if you're acting outside of the will of God.

My friend told me last night, 

"If you don't feel called to [this], then don't do it."

I think that's something I need to remember more often...

Just because I see a need that needs to be filled, doesn't mean I'm the one that should/is meant to fill it.

Anyways...

There's my rant.

Hope ya'll are having a fantastic week. 

Mine's been great, which is why my posts have been few and far between.

But I have so many pictures, it's like impossible to post them all yet;)

Enjoy life.

Enjoy people.

Enjoy June, and it's slightly summery weather.

Love, Casey

The Tie the Binds my Heart to Yours

"God,

send me anywhere, only go with me;

lay any burden on me, only sustain me;

and sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."

-David Livingstone-

This is challenging me, to say the least.

{ Hello J U N E }

For me, June came way too fast.

But I think that's partially because I was in Colorado for all of Virginia's spring.

I'm still not used to the idea that summer is very much indeed here.

Anyways. I'm determined to see my summer (June included) full of adventure. Which is difficult! This is my first summer with a "real" job (meaning, I'm not in control of my own schedule), I will be finishing a few school courses at home, on top of trying to become more involved in ministry and church. Hayden and I are also going to ROME in July for a week!

So my summer looks really busy. And it's so easy to get stressed and discouraged by the multitude of obligations and the lack of social engagements. But I'm a firm believer of "It is what you make it."

So I will make this a great summer.

I will refuse to become stressed about things that won't matter in five years,

and choose to pour myself out into the things (and people) of eternal value.

I want eternity's eyes this summer.

Anyways.

There you are, June.

My summer resolution:

M A K E  S U M M E R  G R E A T