I have never known grave hurt. I just haven't.
I've lived a sheltered life, and my family has been very protected from calamities.
However, because I've never known grave hurt, I've never learned how to heal.
You can imagine how unnerving that is now that I have reached the point in my life when I finally have experienced pain, because I'm having to learn how to handle it.
I am more aware of my insecurities now than I ever have been,
and I know how easily I can shrink into self-pity and bitterness.
This scared me at first. Being intentional about laying it before the Lord all the time was hard. But it's amazing what I've been through the past five or six days.
Because in my desire to know healing, my Father has not disappointed. In the strangest ways, He is pushing the hurt out as He fills with what I need.
It sounds really hokie, but He's filling my heart.
This is so different than how I thought healing would feel. But it's like it diminishes so slowly.
Every time I choose to rely on His love
- opposed to my circumstances, or my interpretation of someone's love for me -
my hands get less full of hurt.
I honestly should be the most depressed I've ever been.
After all, I have no boyfriend, my friends are all busy, my school/work schedule is challenging, and nothing seems to be going anywhere.
But at the moment, I'm the most content I've ever been.
And I'm gonna stay there.
I'm gonna rock the contentment.
I'm gonna follow His presence,
and simply live.
I figure, that as long as I do that, I'll be where I need to be when I need to be there.
Because He loves me, and because I trust Him.