Even If.

"I will be glad and rejoice in Your love,

for You saw my affliction

and knew the anguish of my soul."

-Psalm 31:7

It's incredible.

He knew the anguish of my soul. Which means He knows it still.

Knows it.

He sees it, He feels it, He knows it like His own. 

That's such love.

Not only that, but it's a love that never fails, is ever-present, and unconditional. Which means, no matter where I am, or whatever excuse I have to mope and be ungrateful,

that I have an even more powerful, a far more wonderful, excuse to worship.

No matter where I am, where I've been, what I've done, or how obstinate and ungrateful I have been, His love is still there - sweet, comforting, overwhelming, incredible.

He always cares.

"I will exalt You, O LORD..." (Ps. 30:1)

I find that more and more often, when I'm on the verge of slipping into another wave of despair, or ungratefulness, or self-pity, He whispers,

"Even if? Even if, Casey?"

Will I worship even if I don't feel Him?

Will I be thankful even if today felt disastrous?

Will I praise Him even if I feel absolutely drained, completely empty, and can't see a single ray of sunshine?

In light of His goodness I bring my heart into worshipful submission; yet I find that the next day even less goes right and it becomes even harder to answer the question. But I have the hope that this will create in me a refined character, one that has the ability to be thankful in all circumstances. 

Even if it's bleak. 

Even if it appears hopeless. 

Even if my heart is being torn to bits. 

Even if my world is crumbling.  

Even if I don't understand what's going on.

He always cares. He is always good. He loves so well. And I always have reasons to rejoice. Because He is my Rock, my Steadfast Protector, my Faithful Friend who will never give me less than I need to thrive.

Capturing Cattails, Day 30 / Today. Was Tuesday.

Beautifully cold. Terrific-ly simple. Over-sized sweaters. Tea for one. Icy rain. Pajam pants. Heartfelts. Mascara. SmartWoolz. Glasses. Windows. Scarves. Children giggles. Little noses. Lots and lots of bacon. Winterrrrrrrrr.

Happy Tuesday.

Style{in} Skirts: Old Navay

Button-down: Old Navy; Tank: WetSeal; Skirt: Old Navy; Boots: Thrift store.

Capturing Cattails, Day 29 / "Beginning's End"

Jaws agape, rigged teeth

The colors would mean nothing now

Bright beginnings fin'ly meet

The ending; the conductor's bow

For with each day, with each breath

Another Death has called home-bound

Everything that one has built

Has come to the break, has been unwound

How can one be joyous still,

When such is every being's fate?

How can one be hopeful still?

With all Death has made this dinner date

Be joyous still, frail heart of mine

Take up your hope; be happy yet

For if beginnings had no end

Never would be the glory of a sunset

Family and the Fall Trip

Once a year, around the time of Mama's birthday in October, we take a trip to somewhere in the mountains to enjoy the fall colors, cool weather, and overall beauty. Unfortunately, we were unable to go for a full weekend, but it was because of Henry's birth... so we didn't complain ;)

Some of my best family memories are from these fall trips. Which brings me to my subject matter. I realized I haven't posted much about my family on here, so I'll give ya'll a quick summary. Just in case any of ya'll were curious;)

Hayden:

Hayden is 16 (almost 17), and when he past me in height, I jest that he also passed me in age. He has taught me a great deal about how to communicate with a man, and respect him, while I flatter myself that I have been enough of an emotional, high-maintenance female that I have nearly fully prepared Hay for knowing how to handle a future wife one day. He's definitely gotten me through a lot, and is one of my bestest friends.

He is a wonderful person, a very gifted musician, and gives me a blank stare or a hand to the lens every time I point the camera at him. Hence: the picture.

Dustin:

Dustin is... how do I describe such a grand, crazy, silly, wholly remarkable person?
He is 15, has a fantastical smile, is terribly gifted at soccer, is great with people, and has a way of making everyone feel special. He's ridiculously athletic and so joy-filled.

Hunter:

Hunter's name could be defined as prophetic in itself, as he is the most passionate hunter in the family, besides my father. He is 11, but I always think he's 12. With two older brothers, it's no surprise that he always seems older.

And, like Hayden, Hunter's defense mechanism at the sight of a camera is to blankly stare.

Amy:

"Freckles" is almost 10, and is growing super tall and super fast. She, also, is working on "preparing the boys" for handling over-emotional females. ;) And I'm pretty sure she has the best giggle I have ever heard. It's ridiculously cute.

And, as you can see, we're kind of besties;)
She's wonderfully graceful, and growing to become a very gifted ballerina/cartwheelist:

The Munchkins:

Hudson:

Huddy is 8, and probably the most talkative young'un you will ever meet. He has loads of freckles, is loads of fun, and a total love-bug. He's always ready with a hug and an encouraging word when I'm feeling down (or not).

Andie:

Andie, Andie, Andie... so full of spit-fire she can barely keep herself under control. Almost 6; utterly fearless, and fiercely determined, she is most definitely a conqueror. She can hold her own, that's for sure. She has been known to be very bold with her questions and her actions, but looks so innocently sweet. She's one you have to be careful with;)

Wyatt:

Nicknamed "Super Why" soon after he was born, he has definitely earned the "super" status: super cute, super helpful, super energetic, and SUPER precious. 4 years old, he has the sweetest way of speaking, but the most creative and dynamic stories. He makes us laugh every day.

Darby:

Sweet Darby has been no stranger to this blog; already I have posted about her a few times. Her blue eyes and heart-shaped face are so irresistible... but, being a 2-year-old and a recent big sister, she doesn't always have a super irresistible attitude. 

She's one of the best snugglers, loves giving kisses, and is infatuated with Josiah.

And of course,

Henry:

"Henary" has been a wonderful new addition, and we all love having him around. He's already getting so big! It's hard to believe how fast they grow at this age.

And how would this summary be complete without a few words on the two who are partially to blame for all of these 9 cuties?

My dad is probably the hardest-working person I know, and is incredibly smart. He has a mind made for business, and uses it well. An adamant sportsman, he is also very wise, a great father, and has a stupendous sense of humor.

Mama is one of the greatest role-models in the world. She redefines possible for me. I mean, she handles all of us kids with ease. She even started feeding Henry on our walk without even slowing her pace. AND, she has a great eye; whether it's fashion, decorating, or art, she has very good taste.

Well, that's all of us! Hope you enjoyed meeting my fam:)

Love,
         Casey

Capturing Cattail, Day 28

Capturing Cattails, Day 27 / "Mosey"

Come, take my hand, my Dear

We'll mosey down the lane

Weave daisies through our fingertips

While we walk, and laugh, and sing

Come, take me dancing, my Dear

Like it's the very first day of Spring

We'll celebrate what life has come

And what life has yet to bring

Come, take me closer, my Dear

Bring me into better days

Where we'll be past times of loneliness

Never again have to split ways

Come, take my hand, my Dear

Take me to be your only

Take me to be with you for always

And be the only one to hold me

Made Rich in Every Way

He never fails.

To be new every morning.

To know what's best.

To fill me to fullest.

To knock me off my rocking chair.

"Who is He, this King of glory?

     The LORD Almighty - 

     He is the King of glory." 

- Ps. 24:10

How can I not be in awe?

How can I not be humbled?

How can I take my eyes, for one second, off of the wonder, the magnificence, of Your glory?

The KING. Of GLORY.

And He sits with me.

And fills me.

"Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion..." 

- 2 Co. 9:10-11

I will receive until I overflow. 

I will stand in the open, 

Arms flung wide, 

With a mouth gaping,

Hungrily, until I

Experience abundance

Until I'm neck-deep

Until my stomach bursts, even

Until my arms get weak

He is so eager to fill me. He is so good.

Capturing Cattails, Day 26 / Divine Life

"Being a Christian in name only is dead, for we must be filled with God's divine life, which is something quite mysterious. Just as we do not fully see how the sap of a tree circulates or by what power it rises and falls in the tree, neither do we fully understand the sacred mystery of the life within us... 

[The believer] is not always at work for God, but his heart is always drawing its life from Him."

- Charles Spurgeon, Morning by Morning

"The trees of the LORD are well-watered..."

Ps. 104:16

"Whoever believes in Me... streams of living water will flow from within him."

John 7:38

"... I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (or, abundantly)." 

John 10:10

He is so good.

Capturing Cattails, Day 25

The Half We've Known: The Days

Buried underneath, nearly suffocating with the sweet, pungent smell...

We thought it'd be fun to jump into the wheelbarrow before the adults pitchforked and raked the pine straw in. We giggled at first, delighting in our mischievousness. But the pine straw scratched, the smell was strong, and our eyes started to water.

We climbed out quickly.

Raking the leaves at my neighbors house was always fun. I never understood why my parents took it so seriously. To them, it was an objective, a mission, I suppose. To us, it was play.

Ask us about missions and objectives, we would have shown you the Moss Cities we had built that summer underneath the big tree.

Ask us about missions and objectives, we would have shown you the slivers of branches we stripped with our small pocket knives "for the birds" while we swung in the giant wisteria tree.

Ask us a few years later, we would have shown you the fort, behind the zip-line and across the ditch, with a secret entrance and a "clay pit" that we were sure would make us rich.
Actually, we probably wouldn't have shown you that.

Those were the days. 

The days of sweet things, and sour things. Things I can still feel, and smell, and taste, even, if Memory Lane isn't too muddy.

The days when my only concern is whether or not Mama would catch us filthy kids running through the cool sheets on the clothes line.

The days I could go barefoot well into October.

When the best conditions for climbing the Bradford tree were right after dinner, before the sun set and before Dad called us in to do the dishes.

These are the days I still have dreams about, still long for, still miss.

Fall isn't the same when you grow up. And that makes me sad.

Capturing Cattails, Day 24 / "Sailboat for Two"

Won't you take me away

Just steal me away

To a place where there are no tears

Where I can lay there

And simply star-stare

Wash away all the pain of these years

Where all bees are blue

Every day I'm with you

And never again be upset

Where raindrops come down

Without any clouds

And the sky always has a sunset

Oh dear, won't you come

We'll run past the sun

And never come back again

Buy a sailboat for two

Made just for me and you

And forget all the places we've been

Style{in} Skirts: Red

Hope it's colder wherever you are.

Love,
            C

Hat: Thrift store. Shirt: Probably thrift store. Tank: Target. Skirt: Thrift store. Boots: Thrift Store. Leggings: Target.